THE ULTIMATE MISTAKE - TEEN SUICIDE
by Ron Dixon
It seems everything a teenaged person does or wants to try, his or her parents have done,
when they were your age, faster and better. They would also have you believe they did it
in the shadow of a dinosaur, so primitive were the tools they had to use. I'm sure every
teenager in the world has heard more than one lecture about, "When I was your
age". The surest way I know to get a young person to shut down all communications,
except turn up the volume on the boom box or walkman, is to start what you have to say
with that sentence. We older people often say dumb things thinking them profound.
This article has little to do with when I was your age.
The teenagers, and even younger people, of today have
accomplished something their parents cannot say they did more of, or did better. The youth
of today can say they are killing themselves more often than young people did when your
parents were your age.
As an adult I am supposed to know more than a teen or
adolescent. But, I found out in a hurry that I do not know why today's young people are
committing suicide. So, and you might find this hard to believe, I went to several youth
groups and ask them to tell me some of the reason they feel young people are killing
themselves. I was surprised at some of the answers I received. Actually it wasn't the
answers that surprised me. It was the frequency of some of the answers, and their order of
priority.
For the guys, the number one reason I heard was, loneliness.
For the girls, it was breaking up, or ending relationships. I can relate to the feeling of
aloneness, or loneliness. I recall, as a teen, and on into adulthood, times when I felt
alone, even in a crowd. I remember times when I ask, "GOD, why doesn't anyone see me?
Why does no one hear me? WHY AM I SO ALONE?" I mention that here not to say,
"When I was your age..." but more to say, "I know what you mean".
I thought by combining those few words with what some of
today's young people had to say, together we might offer some insight into teen suicide.
And offer some hope to the troubled of today's youth.
Let's start with a few questions. The first question you must
ask yourself is, "What do I want most in life?"
Do you want those you care for and love to understand you? Communicate,
because they will never understand why you killed yourself!
Do you want more freedom to live your live as you think you
should? Communicate, because a casket or grave give very little
freedom.
Do you want fame and fortune? That is different. That takes a
lot of hard work. You need to study in the field in which you wish to achieve fame. If
it's music, work hard. Study the greats. And, practice, practice and more practice. The
same goes for writing, theater, science, and so on. And, once again, communicate.
Remember, very few people go to the grave yard to hear great poetry or rock music.
Maybe you dream of that special someone of the opposite sex.
Someone who will know your very soul, accepting you, even with all your zits, frizzy hair,
and other faults. In every person's life there will be that special someone. Sooner or
later you will find him, or her. That isn't an idle statement. That is a promise. Bad
relationships, or breaking up with someone you love, are rotten experiences. It is hard to
understand that if it has ended, it wasn't the promised one. And, unfortunately, it is a
part of living life; the things of which great poem and dramas are written.
Believe it or not, your broken heart will mend, if you give
it time. The total agony you feel will pass, unless, of course, you choose to kill
yourself. Then your agony will never be known to anyone. Write about it. Cry about it. Get
it outside you. COMMUNICATE!!
Another thing appearing on the list my collaborators gave me
was: pressure from parents for the young people to excel. They told me this often
causes them to try for goals either they do not want for themselves, or goals that are
beyond their capabilities. All of us, young and old alike, want those important people in
our lives to admire our efforts and accomplishments. But only we know our true abilities
and capabilities. Only we know our limits. Striving to achieve at our limits is stressful
enough. Trying to achieve beyond our limits, to meet the expected goals of others can
produce stress that goes beyond what we can endure.
If you fail to achieve a goal in your life, does that make
you a failure? The only way to be a failure is by not trying because you are afraid you
will fail. Here again it is important to communicate. It is all right for your parents to
encourage you, to offer suggestions, and maybe even push you a little. We all need a
little push from someone every now and then. However, and here you must be painfully
honest with yourself, only you know your limits. And you must, again honestly, communicate
with your parents. I know that there are times when you can't talk with your parents. They
only see, and hear, their point of view. Or perhaps the parent works a lot and you seldom
see them. This is especially true of the teens from single parent homes. Those who have
been labeled "LATCH KEY KIDS". In that case you need to make time to sit down
with your parent and talk. Don't let the parent make excuses. Be persistent.
One of the new ideas in family living that I like, is the
scheduled weekly family meeting. Here a time is scheduled, each week, for the whole family
to turn off all T.V., radio, walkman, etc., and sit down for an hour or so and talk. The
time and day are posted close to the telephone, television or refrigerator. Every one in
the family attends, even if they have nothing to say. At your first meeting you make some
basic rules, ie.
Take turns each week being in charge;
Everyone gets a turn, not just Mom & Dad;
No one interrupts when someone else is talking;
No getting up and storming out of the meeting; and so on.
Make up your own rules as a group. It may start out shaky,
but it will work if you give it a chance. And, you will be able to communicate with each
other other.
There are some who, for many reasons, not be able to do this.
What about them? Turn to peer groups, your school counselor, your nearest church pastor.It
does not have to be your own pastor. Just about any Preacher, Pastor, Priest or Rabbi will
talk to you regardless of your views about religion. As one guy said to me, "Hey,
like they get off on it!". You can call local Crisis Hot Line; Suicide Prevention Hot
Line, or what ever name they use in your own area. There are national Hot Lines, with toll
free 800 numbers, that have people who are trained to talk with you.The people who work
these Crisis Hot Lines are people who truly care about you.
There are many thing young people can do for themselves.
Those of you who have attempted suicide, and anyone who has seriously thought about it,
know the pain and anguish you went through. You have a special knowledge that may help
others. Go to your school Counselor and get help in forming your own peer group. Many
schools already have peer groups like S.A.D.D., Students Against Drunk Driving.
You could call your group S.P.I.T.T..Student Participants for
Intervention of Teen Troubles. You could call your leader "The Big Gubber", or
the "Head Hocker". It doesn't matter what you call your group. The important
thing is to have someone those contemplating suicide can turn to, someone with whom they
can communicate.
I'm sure that by now everyone understands that I feel
communicating what you think and feel is important. There are things, at times, for
various reasons, we cannot, or don't want, to reveal to those close to us. We can't all
have parents, loved ones, or friends we want to tell our troubles. Some have parents who
just don't care. That is sad, but it is true. There are, also, people who just don't have
anyone. We can't change that. Peer Groups fill that void. The idea that, "I'll show
them, I'll kill myself. They will be sorry they didn't listen to me, or they treated me so
badly!", is the ultimate mistake.
Oh yes, in most cases someone, maybe a lot of people, will be
saddened by your death. But you won't be there to see their sadness. You won't be there to
say, "Boy, I sure got their attention." You will be dead, gone, ended. A final
note: Everyone has troubles. Some of them seem, at times, to be insurmountable. You feel
like your troubles are choking the very life out of you. You feel that your particular
problems are just too much; more than you can handle. But killing yourself is not the
answer. Suicide is permanent, troubles are temporary.
Even though you think your troubles will never end, they will
pass. You can learn to handle them. With death you will learn nothing. And the only thing
that will pass is your memory.
Perhaps you feel you aren't worth anything, you're a waste,
your life is going nowhere. If you feel this way, do me and yourself a favor. Take a good
look in the mirror and say, "GOD don't make junk. I'm a possibility!" Do this
two or three times a day for a month. Aw come on, what's a month? You've suffered all this
crap this long. Try it. Who knows, you just might start to believe it.
If you have a problem with alcohol or other drugs, keep in
mind that there are a lot of people walking around today that had those same troubles in
the past. I know, if you are one of those people, you're saying, "What does this jerk
know? He's never been where I am". Trust me, I do have an idea of where you are. I
have been there. There is life after alcohol and/or other drug addictions. You are a
possibility. Good luck. You are loved. And keep in mind, all of us have suffered in our
lives. All of us make mistakes. but none of us need to commit the ultimate mistake of
killing our selves.
About the author: Ron is a 60 year old, life long, writer who
has been published in several small magazines and anthologies. He was named an Amherst
Poet in 1987. He holds seven Golden Poet Awards from the World Of Poetry, as well as other
awards. At present he has a self help book and an action adventure fiction novel being
considered for publication.
©2000 by
Ron Dixon, all rights reserved.
This article may not be reproduced or published in any form
without the express permission of the author.