I need the advice of someone who has either been in this
situation or has some idea what they're talking about; hopefully that will be you. About 6
months ago I broke up with my girlfriend of a year and a half, not because love was fading
but because I felt I was hurting her. We had many fights about the stupidest things and we
always made up afterwards.
However, it was towards the end of the relationship when she
started to cry even more, sometimes for no reason at all. I always felt that it was my
fault and I needed to improve because of it. By the very end of our relationship it felt
like I was hurting her and myself at the same time so it was pointless and I broke it off,
for both of our well beings. I forced myself to look towards the future and try and forget
about my last girlfriend.
This only worked for me as a mask of my true feelings and
after a couple months I knew we would need to get back together. Now throughout our
breakup I gave and offered gave support to her because I knew I had hurt her and it made
me feel the worst I have ever felt in my life. The exact thing I was trying to banish was
being created by my choice. I felt I needed to tell her how I felt and we started to
really talk again.
She told me she was over me and I felt so empty and unwanted
I had to say the same to avoid seeming pathetic or sad, even though I was. This went on
for a few months until it all hit the fan. After about four months of non-stop thinking
about her, it came out I couldn't take it any more and I realized she loved me too... I
guess. I knew I really couldn't take her trust again because she had a constant feeling of
betrayal but I knew I wouldn't make the same mistake again.
She explained to me that she would always love me but she
needs a lot of time. I told her not to make the same mistake I did. Now she knows exactly
how I feel and I'm not getting anything. This was my second love and it was nothing I mean
nothing like the first and I cared for my first very much. I would give anything to have
her back as well as move on. The one thing that has held me back is I never feel the same
way about other women. I know I need to give them a chance and have patience and I have
with certain gorgeous girls with everything a guy could ask for, but it just doesn't feel
right.
Please offer me what ever advice you can please
Sincerely,
Love stricken
Dear Love Stricken:
It's not really clear what was happening in your relationship
to cause her so much pain. I can say that it is not the sign of true love to argue
all the time or to hurt each other. Love is more than a feeling, even a deep feeling. That
is one side of love. But equally important is the ability to get along, to talk things
over, to give each other permission to have a life, to experience joy when the other
person succeeds in something and to encourage each other to work for their dreams.
It may be that even though the two of you are drawn to each
other, you are simply incompatible. I'd say let her go. It's true that you may never feel
this way about another woman, but that may be good. Love should be a little deliberate and
thoughtful, and perhaps a little less passionate.
Best Wishes
