| a |
Dear At the Fence:
I had this problem with my boyfriend. We have been together for over
the year now. Our relationship has been perfect. We never argued, or had any big problems
together. We also see each other every single day. He talked with my friend online for
like 2 months. I asked him why and he said that she is cool and that she is just a friend,
like a guy. Without telling me he went over to her house during my work. He was late
picking me up. I was upset when after hour he told me that he went over there. I asked him
to not got here ever again without telling me. He said she needed to borrow his digital
camera so he dropped it off there. Well, in fact I told him that I still don't want him to
see her. He said then that he needs to pick it up tonight( he works night shift till like
11:15) So, I said that maybe she can give it to me and I will bring it to him or we can go
over there together. HE promised me he wont go there. SO he went to work and then I
called my friend. She said that he already picked camera up... I called my boyfriend
expecting telling me true. I said I cant be in relationship when there is no honesty. SO
after talking 30 min, he said that he went over there already on Wednesday night after
work( around 11:15) to drop it off, and next day when he told that he went to droop it he
picked it up. Later he said that he needs to go over there tonight also because she wanted
this CD with her pictures ....
I was mad..but he promised me that its just a friendship and he wont keep secrets about it
anymore, cause he loves me. And that he didn't tell me because he was scared that I will
overreact....SO, next day I went over to his house, and he started cry, he didn't want to
tell ,me what is wrong but after like hour I Took it out form him. He still crying, said
that maybe we need a break....I started cry because I really didn't think that our
relationship is that bad, which wasn't. I thought that maybe he doesn't want to be with me
anymore, he said that this break would be just for like a week, and just to make sure that
our relationship is good.(that happened on Sunday. )SO I didn't see him on Monday, I still
talked to my friend about everything....Oh and I told him that I don't want him to go ever
to my friends house at all during this break. he said that there is no reason to be mad at
him or telling him no because she is just a friend.... SO on Tuesday, I wanted talk
to my friend online, I said hi, and she said that she cant talk to me...that she will stay
out of my business, and that my boyfriend loves me and I should call him..I didn't know
what was going on...she was pissed. Anyway....me and my boyfriend not supposed to talk for
this whole week. Right after this conversation with my friend my boyfriend logged in and
said don't go anywhere I will be over there, we will go out to eat...or something like
that... I was scared because this whole situation with my friend...so he came running to
my house not even in 5 min....he brought me flowers, he said how much he missed me, how
much he loves me, and how he cant spend another day without me,. That he wants to be with
me forever ad everything...All of that was so sweet and I was so happy when he said al of
that. I was still worried why we came running to my house. We drove around, talking for
like an hour about how much he loves me and all of that. So I asked him what happened with
my friend....So he took me to this empty parking place. And he told me that the first day
when we didn't see each other he told her online, that he is attracted to her. She told
him that she is to him to.( but for all this time my friend lied to me....)I was extremely
upset...I couldn't deal with that....I almost broke up with him but he apologized like
crazy, he cried and beg for forgiveness and that he wont do it ever again. He said he
doesn't know why he said it, ..and that its hard to explain...Me and him are again
together. I am really happy in this relationship but things like that makes me really
sad... I am trying to trust him again, but should I??? I don't know what to think about it
....about him lying, about the future...what to do if he does it again and how to treat
him now. I will appreciate any help....I don't know what to do with this,
( he said he won't talk to her ever again and I believe in that...)
Uncertain
Dear Uncertain:
Trust and faithfulness are essential to a good relationship.
I think the trusting is the hardest part for most people. You know you can control
whether or not you are faithful, but you can't control whether or not your boyfriend will
be faithful. But, if you have decided to give him another chance, give him a real chance
and assume that he will be faithful. That means don't act suspicious, don't question him
or check up on him. You probably can't stop wondering or worrying, but try. If he is
unfaithful, you will find out eventually and then can deal with it.
The relatively new concept of having close friendships with
members of the opposite sex (while in a relationship with someone else) can cause a lot of
unnecessary stress and temptation. It sounds like a healthy idea, and in a perfect world,
it would be, but we all know it isn't a perfect world.
Having a relationship requires taking a risk that you will be
hurt. You have to decide if the relationship is worth the risk.
Best Wishes
© 2003 Nora Penia All Rights Reserved
|
