Dear At the Fence:
Hello. After about a year and a half my girlfriend broke up with me
about a month ago. About a month before that day she started acting weird. Prior to all
this she and I had an almost perfect relationship, hardly ever getting in fights or
disagreeing on anything. We spent the whole summer together and couldn't get enough of
each other. Then school started and we shared a locker, my locker. We were also best
friends and talked every night. Then she began to act as though something was wrong, at
first I thought it was maybe something she was going through and I was concerned. Then I
noticed she was only acting this way towards me.
I invited her over my house one weekend and she wasn't the
same, then she invited me over her house the next weekend and acted fine, the next day she
went back to the lull. I would call her up and I would have to do all the talking, she
seemed like she was mad at me for nothing. So after awhile I had a talk with her in which
she showed me that she needed her space even though we weren't interacting much anyway. I
agreed and didn't call her everynight and left her alone in the hallways at school.
This, however didn't make the situation any better, instead
she wouldn't talk to me at all. By this time I've had enough so I wrote her a note telling
her that I was just trying to help and to let me know what she wanted or what else I could
do. The note was a little harsh but nothing severe. Two days after I gave it to her she
dumped me. She said she was young and needed to live and that she didn't have the same
feeling anymore. I was crushed but didn't show it. We agreed on being (best) friends and
talked for an hour that same night just without saying I love you.
Well it's a month later and she never calls me, won't say hi
to me unless I say it first, and doesn't show that she cares about us one bit anymore. I
miss her so much and told her but I am NOT showing her that I desperately need her. I
don't put anymore out than she does now. She got me a few Christmas presents, just a few
things but one thing very sentimental to our relationship from back when we were going out
which confuses me. I don't get what she is doing although she is young, she's very mature.
I don't get how you can tell someone things like your the
perfect boyfriend, I love you, I would marry you, what would I do without you. I treated
her so good too. My friend said he couldn't get her to admit she didn't like me anymore
even after all this. Maybe she just needs time. I dearly hope she will return but I'm
trying not to get my hopes up. It's always on my mind...I miss calling her and seeing her.
I try to pass the time but I can't escape it. What do you think about this situation?
Questioning
Dear Questioning:
Try not to torture yourself over this. A year and a half is a
long time, but dating is about getting to know someone and shouldn't be considered a
permanent commitment, that's what marriage is for. Just try to move on. Forget the being
best friends thing, that just isn't practical. For you, since you still care for her, it
would be torture. You will heal quicker if you limit seeing her or thinking about her. It
will take a little time, but it will happen. Try to stay busy with school or work, friends
and family or hobbies. But, avoid rushing into another relationship, too soon. You need to
grieve and recover from this relationship, first.
Best Wishes
© 2003 Nora Penia All Rights Reserved
