Dear At the Fence:
I am 17 and so is this girl that I really adore. We get along
quite well. She once told me that she liked me but I think that was to cheer me up from my
C+ on my Pre-Calculus exam. She is a nice church girl that follows her religion (we
are both Christians). That's one of the things that I like about her. She won't go
too far in a relationship (like committing any form of adultery). She seems to flirt
with me with a smile but I have run into mixed messages before. She is almost in
every class I have (I do not know how it happened but I think it is just a coincidence,
honestly) and I feel that my worries just melt away every time I see her. This would
be the first time that I would be asking anyone out. So my question is this.
Is she talking to me because she likes me or does she just want to be friendly towards her
fellow peers? I admit that I am not the greatest looking guy in the city. I
just want to share my time with her.
So you are probably thinking that why shouldn't I just go for it? Well my reason is
simple. I have had a crush before. Then....my so-called friend asked this girl
out. She talked to me every time in class. Turns out that she was trying to
kill time and told my friend that I wasn't worth going out with even if I was the last guy
on earth. This shattered my spirit. It took me 3 years to rebuild my
confidence. I do not want this happening again. This is why I am asking you instead
of my friends. They just do not understand. They are too much involved with
sex and alcohol. I do not think they do not understand the meaning of an honest
relationship. I hope you at least give me an answer. I just want to know what to do, say,
or even ask.
Unsure
Dear Unsure:
Don't feel alone. Most guys (and gals) have similar feelings
at some time. It may be why people develop a hard "who cares?" attitude. It
helps hide the hurt of being rejected.
To say that being rejected is a common experience doesn't
change the pain it causes. I'd like you to know that being rejected has less to do with
who you are than with who does the rejecting. As in the case you described, the girl may
have been amusing herself with you, so she rejected you, not because of who you were but
because she was a thoughtless person. Being rejected does not mean you are unlikeable or
that no one will ever want to be with you, but it can affect the way you think about
yourself and that can affect the way others see you.
Try not to dwell on this. Look for opportunities to chat
casually about something that happened in class, or an assignment. See how she reacts.
Does she ever initiate conversation? Gradually you should get a feeling about whether she
would respond favorably to an invitation for a casual date. Then, ask. If she declines,
don't let it bother you too much - this is what dating is about.
Best Wishes
© 2003 Nora Penia All Rights Reserved
