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Dear At the
Fence:
I am 37, my partner is 42. We live with my three sons
aged 11 and twins of 7. My partner has two children aged 12 and 8 who live with
their mother.
His good qualities are that he loves children, he is easy going and very protective in
immediate danger - he can be a very good friend. Our physical relationship is good.
He is very loving and caring. He is a very good father who adores his
children.
He has four brothers. He was an international athlete when he was younger. He
married a local model. He now has a low paid job and has chosen to make maintenance
payments that constitute about 60% of his income.
His problem is that he always seems to be lying about something. I have helped him
out financially. He also takes money from my cash point and recently intercepted my
mail and used a credit card I had applied for to pay a maintenance payment. I have
very little income at the moment while I am getting qualified and that is why I applied
for a credit card. I know that he has forged contracts before to obtain money
and has a liability order on him at the moment.
He has told other lies and usually eventually tells me. He loves to be forgiven I
think!
He has palpitations and is undergoing medical tests that have been inconclusive. He
says that he thinks they are caused by the anxiety of lying. He can't seem to resist
cutting corners. He also gambles on a small scale and drinks every night. We both
gave up smoking 6 months ago. He has lapsed once.
I am worried that if he if he is untrustworthy in one or two respects, he may be
untrustworthy in others. I don't know if he's hooked on lying itself or just lies
for a reason.
Could we contain this together or is he just a liability?
Any hope?
Dear Any hope?:
Not only does he lie, but he gambles, drinks, steals, forges
and doesn't try to get a good job. Does he sound like a liability? Yes. There is nothing
you can do to change this. These are HIS problems and it doesn't sound like he wants to
change anything. If he does, he should get a good therapist immediately. Cut your losses.
Chances are, if you stay with him, he'll only bring you down, too.
Best Wishes
© 2003 Nora Penia
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The contents of these pages represent my personal
opinions, which are offered for entertainment and educational purposes, only. I am not a
psychologist or therapist. My professional background has been as an educator dealing with
personal growth issues, parenting skills and relationship problems. My hope is that this
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