My husband (30) and I (34) have been married for 2yrs. We know a couple who were dating
for a while who use to come over to our house. Time went on and their relationship ended
on a very bad note. After this my husband and the young lady (21) seemed to become closer
friends. They both work together and they seem to be together all the time.
I started having some
suspicions of something going on between them. I brought this to my husband's attention
and he said that they are just friends and nothing more. One night the girl's ex called
the house to ask my husband if he was with the girl sexually. My husband said no but the
guy was determined so my husband gave me the phone because the guy wanted to tell me the
same thing. I listened and became very upset because through our conversation I found out
that my husband was going over to her house and I didn't know this.
We got into a fight
and my husband assured me that nothing is going on. Everyone at his job are asking a
friend of ours if they are having an affair. So I'm not the only one thinking this. I
believe that they are not sleeping together, but I don't understand the closeness they
developed. My husband knows this hurts me but he continues to do it because she is just a
friend as he says.
I talked to the girl
and my husband and said that when I'm not home she doesn't come to the house and he is not
allowed to go over to her house at all. One day when I was at work she needed to pick
something up from my husband and he tried to call me at work but didn't get me to ask if
it was alright. Since he didn't get me, he allowed her to come over any way. When I got
home she was here and when she left I asked why was she here and he told me and I said to
him what did I say about the situation and he said that he didn't think it would be a
problem. I was mad and said forget it, I don't care any more.
What should I do? I
tried everything. I don't understand why he needs her like that. They talk all day at
work, than he goes to her house to chill and if that doesn't happen she comes here to
chill. Please help.
Suspicious Wife
Dear Suspicious Wife:
This is not a 'friendship' and you know it. If you husband
values your marriage he will stop fooling around with this woman. The two of you need to
see a counselor and work out the groundrules for a healthy marriage. If he is spending
most of his time with her, whether it's at her house or yours, this is cheating, even if
nothing sexual has occurred (yet). He may not be willing to give her up, but you have a
right to expect him to end his relationship with her.
Insisting that he discuss this with you and see a counselor
will not be easy and he may refuse to do it. If he refuses, you have your answer - he
prefers her to your marriage. You will then have to decide if you can be happy this way or
whether you need to end it.
Best Wishes
