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Dear At the
Fence:
I recently broke up with a 38 year old man after 3 months of
dating because he said his ex-girlfriend called and wanted to get back together. And
he was "confused."
I told him that because he is confused, it is clear he had doubts about our relationship
(which was going GREAT and he will admit to that) and I would not be able to trust him.
Their history: 10-15 years of dating on and off, began when she was married with kids.
When she divorced, things got even worse between them (my thought: she got a taste
of freedom).
He says he loves her and has a long history with her...
I told him that there are three things I do not do: 1) chase anyone, 2) play second to
anyone or anything, and 3) give second chances, especially in this situation.
I guess my question is this: why do people like them keep pulling each other back?
And they wind up breaking up again?
I told him that they needed to analyze what it is that breaks them up and mend it.
Or, move forward and leave each other alone. And, not to get into relationships with
others until they close the door and refrain from dragging each other back. they are
hurting others as well.
He said they argue about everything. He has great potential to be more than he
is...I feel that he allows himself to be her puppet, and when he his happy and she sees
it, then he gets a call from her and everything crumbles.
I know that I will not have anything to do with him. We go to the same dance club
and I have let him and our friends know that for a while he will be invisible to me.
I won't be rude or cause a scene...I just don't want to talk to him.
The friends were all surprised at what happened...and say I did the right thing.
Right now it feels very sad...we have been friends for a decade. And very close for
the passed 3 or 4 months. Right now I do not like him. I guess that is normal?
Part of me feels sorry for him...caught in such a web with her. The other side just
can't understand why any one would treat themselves this way for years.
Just Curious
Dear Just Curious:
I think some people are just too romantic. They may be drawn
to each other on some level that stirs their passions, but when the dust settles, they
just can't make it work. But, knowing how good it feels when they 'click' they keep going
back for more. Lots of factors may be at work here. People are such complicated creatures.
He may just be a fickle guy. In any case, you're better off discovering this now than
several years into the relationship.
Best Wishes
© 2003 Nora Penia
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The contents of these pages represent my personal
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personal growth issues, parenting skills and relationship problems. My hope is that this
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