I have been dating a man 3 years younger then
myself for little more than one year now. As far as I know we are faithful to each
other. However, this is the first interracial relationship for me and I am doing ok,
but feel he is having some problems with others' views on it.
I am very much in love with this man, however,
I am still confused about his feelings. He is the first man who refuses to touch my
vaginal area. He did, I think once at the very beginning of our relationship, but
now says something like, "I don't want to get my fingers wet." I have
asked him and told him how important this is as a part of a woman getting aroused, and
having a wonderful orgasm, but he seems not to care. His response is usually
something like 'that is your job'. He kisses my breasts, next to never, it has only
been recently that he will kiss me and did perform oral sex twice about 2 months ago, but
will not any longer cause I recently had a yeast infection and he acts as if I have some
sort of disease.
Is it normal for a man to have a problem with
touching a women's clitoris, vagina? or am I missing something here, or should I ask does
this man have a problem? I am not young or new to sex, I am 39, have 3 children and
have been married and divorced and dated others. This is really bothering me, and I
dont' know how I should be viewing the situation.
Feeling unloved
Dear Feeling Unloved:
It may be normal for him to act this
way. While I wouldn't say it is normal for a man to feel this way, it could be
understandable that a man might feel uneasy with female anatomy, which is sometimes
considered a mystery. After all, a man's sexual organs are right out in the open -
no mystery there, but some men may feel differently about women - sexual parts are hidden
away, unfamiliar and not easily understood.
Does he want you to touch him? Does he accept
or expect oral sex from you? This may be a cultural thing, religious thing, or a personal
preference based on his beliefs or fears, or just a sign of his self-centered
selfishness. Maybe he needs more time to grow in his sexual experience, but it
sounds like he has a aversion to this type of intimacy. It could be that he needs
counseling to explore the causes of his distaste and to learn about the mechanics of
lovemaking. Certainly if your satisfaction is your responsibility, (as he seems to feel)
what would you need a partner for?
I'd suggest a good calm heart-to-heart talk.
But, don't hold any great hope for success. He will probably not want to talk about this
topic. If he won't agree to get counseling, take another look at this relationship and
it's chances of growing.
Best Wishes
