Dear At the
Fence:
I have a question about my mom and her relationship. My
dad has been dead for 2 years now and he was really sick before that and my mom took good
care of him. I moved in with her before my dad died to help her take care of her.
I admit I found a guy and moved in with him and lived with him at the end of my
dad's life. I was not home with mom. Well, now I live with another guy and my
stuff mostly is still home at mom's. I have a key and garage door opener. I
came home Saturday and found my mom in bed with a guy having sex. What should I do?
Should I have left when I saw his truck there, or called before I went over or is
it all her fault and she should not have been doing that. What is your advice to me.
Thanks.
Shocked daughter
Dear Shocked Daughter:
Calling before you go to your mom's is a very good idea. You
probably wouldn't want her to just show up at your place, would you? Sometimes it's
difficult for adult children to accept that their parents have lives outside of parenting,
especially if that includes sex. Your mom is entitled to her privacy.
As for saying something to her, unless she brings the topic
up, limit yourself to a brief apology for walking in on her. If this behavior is different
from what she taught you, or expects from you, then you might ask her about that sometime,
but not in a judgemental or accusatory way. But, how is her behavior different from
yours? You are both having sex with someone you're not married to. You may feel that her
actions are a betrayal to your father, but he is gone and has been for two years. The
human need for companionship is strong and natural. It sounds like she was loyal to him
and took care of him until his death.
Best Wishes
© 2003 Nora Penia
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