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Book reviews:
January, 2000 review: Never Be Lied To
Again, by David J. Lieberman, Ph.D.
Griffin Trade Paperback
The title caught my
attention immediately and I felt this could be a most useful book. Hopefully, most of us
do not have to wonder constantly if our boss, neighbor, family member, child or favorite
politician is lying to us. But, chances are, someone is lying to us.
This book examines how to recognize lies and how to reveal
the truth.
First: recognizing lies: examine the
language – 46 clues to deception. Only four of these clues refer to body language,
the others address various verbal manipulations, such as making you feel foolish, or
resorting to personal outrage, or offering wild explanations.
The second part of the book outlines, in
detail, various strategies for detecting the truth, even in an accomplished liar. One of
the techniques involves asking a leading question, not a direct accusation and observing
the reaction and answer. Then, there are situations which simply call for a direct
approach – her the author tells how to best phrase the questions and present yourself
to win confidence and lower the liar’s guard.
The most interesting section is called ‘silver
bullets’ which are designed to cut to the bone and get it out in the open.
Of course, one wouldn’t want to rely too heavily on the
information given. There are situations – noted by the author – where an
innocent person might react in a guilty fashion. But, if you suspect you are being lied
to, this book may open your eyes. Whether you want to use the tools described depends on
how badly you want the truth. It may take some study and rehearsal time to find the right
approach for your situation.
The book also describes some advanced
techniques similar to hypnosis – in other words, using suggestive language –
which I feel most people would not be able to utilize, if anyone would.
In spite of that, there is much useful information in this
book which can be helpful in everyday dealings such as talking to car salesman, repairmen,
customer service representatives, employees and co-workers.
This book is available in hardback, paperback and audio
versions.
September, 1999 review:
Perfect Parenting : The
Dictionary of 1,000 Parenting Tips
by Elizabeth Pantley, William Sears
Paperback - 319 pages (November 1998)
Contemporary Books
This easy to use book starts off with an
explanation of nine ‘perfect parenting keys’ which lay a groundwork for rational
parenting and solving parenting problems. After reading the whole book, a parent should
have a good handle on how to deal with almost any parenting problem. So, even if you
can’t find the answer to a particular parenting question, you’ll be better
equipped to handle the issue on your own. The author covers dozens of questions, arranged
in alphabetical order and her answers cover a variety of specific approaches to remedy the
problem. The topics range from manners to masturbation, from picky eaters, to picking
noses, from bedtimes to bullying and everything in between. Keep this book handy to use as
a quick resource when problems arise.
August, 1999 review:
The Challenging
child, Understanding, Raising and Enjoying the Five ‘Difficult’ Types of
Children by Stanley I. Greenspan, M.D. with Jacqueline Salmon
‘While many people studying child
development recognize that biology and upbringing work together, this recognition has not
been sufficiently applied in advice to parents. I would like to propose a potentially more
optimistic way of thinking about dealing with challenging children. This new approach
focuses on how ‘nature’ and ‘nurture’ work in tandem. It recognizes
that even seemingly fixed characteristics, such as a child’s tendency to be fearful
when presented with a new stimulus, can be significantly altered by early, and even by
later, caregiving experiences.’ Dr. Greenspan, from his book.
In other words, if you are dealing with
a ‘difficult’ child, there is hope. Dr. Greenspan identifies five kinds of
challenging child: The overly sensitive child, the self-absorbed child, the defiant child,
the inattentive child and the active/aggressive child.
Each type is explained in detail -- how to recognize each
type, how it feels to be that child, how parents can help and a detailed example of each
type. Two other important topics are covered: Information on the basic stages of childhood
and the effects of the environment and diet on behavior.
The book is fairly easy to read, with lots of examples and
illustrations. I think this book can be extremely helpful to any parent faced with raising
a challenging child.
July, 1999 review:
The Seven Principles
for Making Marriage Work, by John M. Gottman, Ph.D., and Nan Silver
Dr. Gottman’s detailed study of
conflict in marriage has revealed some very interesting information. He asserts that the
main trait contributing to the success of a marriage is an underlying supportive
friendship. "The determining factor in whether wives feel satisfied with the sex,
romance, and passion in their marriage is, by 70 percent, the quality of the couple’s
friendship. For men, the determining factor is, by 70 percent, the quality of the
couple’s friendship. So men and women come from the same planet after all."
The book explodes many common myths associated with the
success or failure of a marriage such as: Men are not biologically built for marriage,
Common interests keep you together and Avoiding conflict will ruin your marriage.
He then outlines seven principles which can strengthen a
marriage and provides exercises to help build each trait. The seven principles are:
Enhance your love maps, Nurture your fondness and admiration, Let your partner influence
you, Two kinds of marital conflict, Solve your solvable problems, Overcome Gridlock and
Create shared meaning.
All in all, a very helpful book.
June, 1999 review:
: Is it you or is it
me? How We Turn Our Emotions Inside Out and Blame Each Other by Scott Wetzler, Diane
Cole
Too much time is spent trying to figure
out who is to blame for problems in a relationship. In order to solve problems,
individuals need to move beyond blaming and examine their own fears, expectations and
weaknesses. The truth is, we all sometimes expect too much and fail to see what we
contribute to a problem. It’s easier to find fault with others and blame them for
problems. Accepting our own role in relationship conflict is difficult, but essential for
success. A serious book which offers ways to change for the better.
April, 1999 review:
The 10 Second Kiss,
by Ellen Kreidman, Ph.D.
Newlyweds, couples drifting apart and couples
interested in improving their relationship or keeping it vibrant should read this book.
Dr. Kreidman begins with the concept of a daily ten second kiss to stay connected with
each other. So often couples don’t take time to nurture their bond. But the author
doesn’t stop there. Next is the 5 second compliment, then the 30 minute talk, the 20
second hug and other intimacy-building exercises. This best seller is now available in
paperback, a worthwhile investment.
February, 1999 review:
Don’t be Afraid
to Discipline, The Commonsense Program for Low-Stress Parenting by Dr. Ruth Peters
In addition to the basic problem of child rearing -- no
instruction book -- changes in the acceptance of corporal punishment left many parents
feeling helpless, with no effective tools with which to replace physical discipline. As a
result, many parents have given up trying to discipline their children. In fact, the word
discipline has become synonymous with physical abuse and some parents say with pride that
they don’t discipline their kids. Others feel helpless and take the easy route of
doing nothing.
Don’t fall into that trap. A child without discipline is
a monster you don’t want to know. Discipline is not a luxury, but it takes a great
deal of planning, patience and consistency.
Dr. Ruth Peters offers parenting straightforward and
effective tools for parenting in her book, Don’t be Afraid to Discipline, The
Commonsense Program for Low-Stress Parenting. . . It’s easy to read, gives abundant
examples and case histories.
Her method applies to children seven to sixteen years old. An
example of her approach, which is based on behavior modification, is to beef up
consequences. She points out that some children do not respond to having their possessions
taken away for a week or month. When they know they’ll get them back, they can amuse
themselves with something else with no discomfort. Her solution? Give the item to Goodwill
or another charity.
To the parent’s observation that this could be
expensive, she points out that in the long run, it will be worth the expense to avoid
hiring specialists (therapists, lawyers, etc.) to help deal with the consequences of a
child out of control.
If you’re struggling with parenting -- and who
doesn’t from time to time, or if you know a parent who is, the information in this
book can be immensely helpful.
January, 1999 review:
He Just Doesn’t
Get It! By Ellen Sue Stern
At first glance this book might seem to bash males, but look
deeper. The author goes into great detail about men’s behavior (and women’s) and
why it seems men just don’t understand women. Then she helps women understand men and
learn ways to deal with the differences between men and women. The book is very readable
and entertaining as well as informative. The author is generous with examples from her
personal life. Men can also benefit from viewing themselves from a woman’s
perspective.
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© 1999, 2000 Nora Penia All Rights Reserved
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