Dear At the Fence:

I have been dating and have tried to break off this relationship.  There are several factors I need to mention:

1) we were both married at the time of meeting, and since divorced our spouses.
2) our children all know about the circumstances
3) he still has a close relationship with his ex, I don't.
4) his salary is 5 times more than mine
5) we come from different races
6) he is extremely friendly with attractive women and openly gawks at them in my presence
7) I came across emails of him interested in other women
8) he subscribes to Playboy and enjoys erotic material
9) the only time we spend together is one night a week, we make love, then go on with our lives during the week.

We have been together for 5+ years.  I love him from the depths of my heart, but I feel that he is not planning a future with me, nor will his children ever accept me.   My children know him and have accepted my relationship with him, thoughI I have made an effort of explaining and communicating.  He has not.

At his place, there is no sign of my presence, he removes my hair from his pillows, no pictures, no cards of mine anywhere.

I feel that it is time to move on even though I love this man like I've never loved anyone in my life.  But, the truth presents itself loudly.

I feel that I am being used and that I would rather be alone than be "with" him and be lonely.

Lonely

Dear Lonely:

Five years! You are obviously a very patient woman. Not only are you lonely with him, you are allowing him to simply use you for his purposes. He is getting everything he wants from this arrangement, you are getting nothing but a false sense of not being alone.

I'd say, move on.

But becareful before you get into another relationship. If you want a real relationship, find out what your partner wants before getting involved, and take it slow. Good relationships take time to develop. The instant attraction we often feel is not a relationship, just a physical reaction to another attractive person. It can give us false impressions.

God Bless

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The contents of these pages represent my personal opinions, which are offered for entertainment and educational purposes, only. I am not a psychologist or therapist. My professional background has been as an educator dealing with personal growth issues, parenting skills and relationship problems. My hope is that this information will be helpful to you, but please, use common sense and thoughtful consideration before acting on any of the information you find here.