Emotional Abuse
Using insults,
being disrespectful, using criticisms, making demands, put downs, using the past against
you, withholding affection, giving you the silent treatment, refusal to discuss things,
expecting to be serves, not contributing to the relationship through work, chores, money, participation,
Using the children
against you, threatening to take the children, threatening to leave, telling you no one
else will want you, making you fearful, threatening you physically, yelling, screaming,
throwing things, destroying things.
The Verbally Abusive
Relationship by Patricia Evans --Identifies different forms of verbal abuse and gives suggestions for
responding.
When Love Goes Wrong by Ann Jones
and Susan Schecter --
Basic information concerning
abuse, how to help, how to survive.
Invisible Chains A novel about domestic abuse. Information
about abuse in a novel form. Stands alone as a good read, suspenseful and engrossing, but
also illustrates various types of abuse.
Can be ordered at a reduced
rate from the author, on the front page of this site.
Abuse Shelter Hotline
1-800-799-7233 |
Dear At the Fence:
I
need help trying to figure out if I should stay in my current relationship, or if I should
bail now!
I
have only been with my fiancé for 9 months and we have lived together for 4. At first, I
thought he was everything I was looking for. He was nice, took me places and paid for
everything, made me laugh, etc. After a couple months of dating, he started questioning
our relationship (previously was talking about marriage).
You
see, I have 4 children and he has 3. We both have our kids every other week (same weeks)
Anyway, he started making excuses like he wanted to give his kids everything and was
worried that if he were with me, he wouldn’t be able to. He had just gotten back into
his daughter's life (which I helped and encouraged) so he had a lot going on.
He
started canceling plans that he had already made with me and my kids to spend time with
his daughter. When I mentioned that if we were going to be a family, then when would I be
involved. Anyway, we broke up for a week. During this time he started seeing his
daughter's mother again and slept with her. I didn’t know about this till after we
got back together.
He
had lied to me!! I left him when I found out, but ended up taking him back. He lies to his
ex-wife and I have even found out that he lies to his own parents about some things.
Now, I am seeing his HORRIBLE temper!! He yelled at me the other day for wanting to sit
and relax (I had been working hard all day) instead of going to his parent’s house
with him. He called me lazy , selfish and said if I was so F'in tired to go to bed. I have
also seen his temper with his oldest boy. He also makes me feel stupid at times and likes
to point out flaws (does same thing to his own mother)
He says he is willing to go to counseling or anger management. Do I stay and see if it
will help or get out now!!
Please help! I was already married once for 8 yrs and also had another 3-year relationship
fail. I hate to give up, but I also don’t want to invest time and my own mental
health if things will not get better.
Go
or Stay
Dear
Go or Stay:
Go.
If he is serious about changing he will get help, even if you leave, but I'd be willing to
bet he won't. Abusers say anything to keep their targets with them. He sounds like a very
controlling man, emotionally abusive and probaby prone to violence eventually. Since you
know he lies, you can never trust him. Only he can change his behavior, and most abusers
don't change.
Best
Wishes
© 2008 Nora Penia All Rights Reserved
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Disclaimer:
The contents of these pages represent my personal
opinions, which are offered for entertainment and educational purposes, only. I am not a
psychologist or therapist. My professional background has been as an educator dealing with
personal growth issues, parenting skills and relationship problems. My hope is that this
information will be helpful to you, but please, use common sense and thoughtful
consideration before acting on any of the information you find here. |
