My daughter who is 36 and two children and
divorced twice have not spoken in four months after a trip we would take every year to my
granddaughter’s dance competition. I started a new position at my job, so I wasn't
sure I would be able to make it this time. She emailed where the competition was being
held, but no date. A day later I went to email her and she sent me a nasty email saying
why is it I can send funny jokes, but cannot find the time to reply if or not I was going
to go.
I emailed her back saying I needed to know
a date and wasn't sure if I would be able to make it. She then said I work two jobs and
still find time to do things with my kids. At that same time I was having marital problems
and felt this was probably not a good time to leave. She said that I should stay home and
baby-sit my husband and not to worry about it.
She then proceeded to tell that I was a bad
mother and grandmother and that she would live her life without me and that her kids were
her life and that I was never there for her. She contacts my other daughter and stepsister
and brother who she never contacted them before this all happened. She never called on
Mother's Day and it really hurt me.
I don't know what to say to her,
because I know she will comeback with a rude remark. I don't like being away from my
grandkids. She lives six hours away and it is hard for me to get down there to attend all
of their activities. She left home when she was 12 to live with her dad. She then came
back home to live with her step dad and me after her dad passed away.
She couldn't get along and then when into
foster care then married after High School. It lasted maybe a year and she ended up
pregnant and divorced her husband and met another man ended up pregnant and then divorced
him after 8 years.
I don't know what she wants from me. She's
my oldest and I miss having the communication as a mother and daughter.
Missing my daughter
Dear Missing My Daughter:
It sounds like you never had a
mother-daughter relationship. For whatever reason she has gone her own way, but has
unrealistic expectations of what she can expect (demand) from you. She wants all the
appearance of a relationship (her way) but is not willing to give of herself to cultivate
a good relationship. Being a good mom and grandmother is more that just showing up when your
daughter expects you to be there. She needs to include you in their lives to a
point.
Give her some time. Maybe she will get over
this and then the two of you can talk about things, but don’t expect miracles. It
sounds like she is carrying around a lot of pain. It may take a lot of time and hopefully
professional counseling to heal her heart. Don’t
beat yourself up over this, just keep the door open to her.
God Bless
