Distrusting husband.

Dear At the Fence:

My husband doesn't seem to trust me to go hang out with my friends by myself. He says he has to believe that my friend will not try to get me to go out with another guy. I told him that I swore that I would never cheat on him but, he won't believe me. He cheated on me a few months ago and I still try to trust him. I just need some help for me to prove to him that I won't cheat on him and earn his trust.

Thank you for your time.

Distrusted

Dear Distrusted:

There is no way you can prove to him that you won't cheat. And this is really his problem to solve, not yours. He has to decide to trust you. It may be that he knows he isn't trustworthy, so he doesn't trust you to be trustworthy either.

Let him know that he has two choices: trust you or not. If he choses not to trust you, make it clear that you will not be treated as though you are not trustworthy. He may not question you, check up on you, accuse you, etc. If he does these things, insist that the two of you see a counselor.

Married couples do have some responsibility to each other to let each other know where they are, what they are doing, when they will be home, etc. This is a courtesy. Also, it is important that spending time with your spouse takes a priority over being with friends. That doesn't mean you have to give up your friends, but you (both of you) should be spending more time together than with friends.

It's also helpful to make good choices about where you go with your friends. Don't give your husband any reason to think that you and your friends are looking for trouble.

Best Wishes

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