I have been divorced for 16 years. Ex was verbally abusive
to me and 4 children. Ex remarried but she divorced him because of abusiveness; had 3yr
relationship, he got kicked out because of abusiveness. I became very ill several
years ago, Ex encouraged daughter to file lawsuit on my behalf (which I would not have
done), sent a real estate agent (who has a disreputable reputation) to my daughter to have
her sign to put my house up for sale (which he told her she could legally do that), and
now, since I am much improved physically and sold my house on my own, I find I am missing
a large box of books, which I noted were gone before the move but I thought someone had
taken them to my new residence.
Both my ex and my daughter are real estate agents together
and would have had access to the house and my daughter has always griped about my keeping
books and complained about having to move them.
Am I just being paranoid or are they both being controlling
and abusive? And what can I do to stop this type of behavior?
Abused
Dear Abused:
Children of controlling people often become controlling (and
even abusive). It certainly sounds likely that your daughter or ex had something to do
with the missing books. However, unless they were very valuable, I'd let it go. Have you
asker her if she might know what happened to them? Don't make any accusations, just ask.
There is little you can do to change her behavior, but you
can work to protect yourself from being controlled. If you feel she may do other things
like this in the future, consult an attorney on how to safeguard your interests. You may
need to find a trusted third party who can assume legal decisions, and have the power to
act on your behalf, if you are ever unable to do it for yourself.
This is your right, and your business. Your daughter does not
have the right to make decisions for you, or act without your permission, unless a
court has appointed her as your guardian, or unless you have given her legal power to act
in your behalf.
As long as there is a question in your mind, it is best to
remove the opportunities for her to control anything in your life. Protect your personal
papers, (locking file cabinet),and infornation, (don't discuss personal business), don't
share access to your home (change the locks and don't give her keys), banking accounts,
etc. with her or your ex.
It is always sad to feel you can't trust a close family
member. But just being related does not make someone trustworthy.
Best Wishes
© 2004 Nora Penia All Rights Reserved
Warning!
No part of this website may be used
on another's website, newsletter, ezine or other electronic or print publication without
express permission of the author. Nora Penia is the sole owner of all content not
attributed to others. All this material is copyrighted and any illegal use is against the
law.
