Dear At the Fence:

I've been dating an old friend for a year. He has two children,11 and 15 (get along well). His soon to be ex wife was convicted of sex offense and went to prison for 18 months. He is in process of divorce (not divorcing over me) I am 4th on the list of priorities and do not get enough attention and pampering with my man. He is 40 I am 36. He has never dated anyone else and I have been in many relationships. I don't know what to do.  I love this man and want to spend the rest of my life with him but am having a hard time getting used to being the wife when I am only the girlfriend. I have a 16 year who lives with his father, so that does not come into play. I grew up with this man and he is a good man but shot out from his life problems. I feel as though I am not getting the relationship aspect out of this.

Can you help?

Dear Can you Help:

These problems need to be worked on before this relationship goes any further. After a year, it doesn't sound likely that things will suddenly star improving. If you continue to be the 'wife,' why should he ever change anything?   There are problems and issues that must be talked out.

I'd suggest counseling, since when two people try to talk out touchy issues by themselves, they often just go around and around. With a third, neutral person guiding the discussions, there is hope that progress can be made.

I'd also suggest that you examine your ideas of what you want from a relationship. Quite often we enter a relationship with secret expectations that have nothing to do with the person we are with. His idea of a relationship may be quite different from yours.

Good Luck

 

 

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