Dear At the Fence:

I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 1 year. We had an average sex life before we moved in together, and ever since we moved in we haven't had sex in a while. He's always tired, has a headache, stomachache, always has an excuse.   I've given up in trying to approach him (making the 1st move) because I always get rejected. He's only 28, is this normal? What can I do to help him get over this? This has been so hard for me...

Frustrated

Dear Frustrated:

If this is a change, it's not normal. Every relationship needs open communication. The two of you need to get this into the open and discuss it. Everyone has different levels of desire or need for sex. There is no one normal amount, although a very high or very low level may be the result of physical or psychological problems.

Try to discuss this without placing blame or making him feel defensive. This may be very difficult to do. He may become very defensive and refuse to discuss it. However, if your sex life has changed since you moved in together, their may be simple reasons for the change. He may feel pressured by the change in the relationship, may feel a loss of freedom, under stress from some other issue, suffering from mild depression, etc. 

This is a sensitive issue and he probably won't want to talk about it. If he refuses, insist that he get a checkup and/or talk to a counselor.

Best Wishes

 

 

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The contents of these pages represent my personal opinions, which are offered for entertainment and educational purposes, only. I am not a psychologist or therapist. My professional background has been as an educator dealing with personal growth issues, parenting skills and relationship problems. My hope is that this information will be helpful to you, but please, use common sense and thoughtful consideration before acting on any of the information you find here.