Dear At the Fence:

I have a sister who's son is now 13 (perfectly healthy). My nephew still sleeps in his parents' room (on the floor) every night, calls them to wipe him after a bowel movement and they frequently bathe him. I have intimated this is not healthy and that they need to encourage some independence. He has no friends at school or in the neighborhood, and is often teased at school for being "odd." They say he'll "grow out of it." I doubt it if they allow the situation to continue. Your thoughts?

Worried Aunt

Dear Worried Aunt:

This child and his parents need some professional help from a psychiatrist or psychologist. The primary job of a parent is to prepare their child for life on their own and that means learning to care for his own physical and emotional needs. If the parents have never sought professional help for their child they are in denial, trying to avoid facing the real issues.

Deciding how to deal with this issue will be difficult, since they will be very resistant to 'interference.'  If you decide to try to get help for them, enlist the assistance of a professional, perhaps the school counselor at his school, the family physician, the pastor of their church, or other third party who will be respected for their expertise and knowledge. You might collect articles or books which address similar developmental issues to help the parents realize that this type of behavior is not normal.

Be prepared for extreme reactions. Even if you succeed in convinicing them to get help, you may be resented for telling them the truth and pointing out their 'flaws.'  As a family member you are right to be concerned and to try to help. Good luck.

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Disclaimer:

The contents of these pages represent my personal opinions, which are offered for entertainment and educational purposes, only. I am not a psychologist or therapist. My professional background has been as an educator dealing with personal growth issues, parenting skills and relationship problems. My hope is that this information will be helpful to you, but please, use common sense and thoughtful consideration before acting on any of the information you find here.