I am a 43 year old married male very much in love with my
wife. We have been married for 19 years and have 2 wonderful children. My wife is 5 years
younger than I. My problem is that I am very sexually frustrated. I really enjoy sex with
my wife as I think she is incredibly sexy to me. However, she has very little to no
libido.
I know she loves me very much as she shows it in many other
ways. I know I do not have it as bad as a lot of other people out there, however it is
very frustrating for me to only get sex 2 or 3 times a month. Please don't get me wrong, I
do not want it every night either. However 2 or 3 times a week on average would be
wonderful.
I guess what I am looking for is some advice on how to cope
with this. I have given up on any idea that it will ever get better. We have tried
everything, she simply has no libido. I have now accepted this as it is and now want to
focus on what I can do for myself to overcome this frustration. The really frustrating
part of all this is when we do have sex, it is wonderful.
I couldn't and wouldn't ask for anything more except
frequency. She even admits that it is wonderful when we have sex. She just doesn't have
the desire again for another couple of weeks or so. She has always been this way so it
isn't something that has just cropped up.
You may ask, why then did I marry her? Well, we love each
other very much and always have. I always thought this might change but I was wrong. It
has always been the only thing we argue or fight about. I am at a point that I want this
frustration to go away and I know now that there is nothing left to try on her part. I
want to know what I can do to overcome these frustrations I have. Divorce is not an
option! Please help with any advice you can offer.
In Love but Frustrated
Dear In Love, but Frustrated:
You sound like a very wise, loving husband. You have accepted
that this is just the way she is, and that she is a wonderful wife. Several times a month
you have great sex. You are very lucky. Some people have sex more frequently and enjoy it
less.
Try to focus on the good things in your relationship. Most
relationships have flaws, many are much harder to live with than yours. Express your love
for her in other ways. Even though she has a low desire for sex, she probably welcomes
other forms of affection: cuddling, pampering, doing things together, talking about most
anything, etc.
Anticipation can be almost as satisfying as the act, so enjoy
looking forward to the intimate moments. If you can't stop thinking about the sex you're
missing, take a look at how you spend your free time. Could you develop some hobbies,
learn a new sport, do more around the house/yard, join a service oriented group, etc.
Staying mentally and physically busy may take the edge off your sexual desires.
Celebrate the good marriage you have and enjoy life!
God Bless
