Emotional Abuse
Using insults, being disrespectful,
using criticisms, making demands, put downs, using the past against you, withholding
affection, giving you the silent treatment, refusal to discuss things, expecting to be
serves, not contributing to the relationship through work,
chores, money, participation,
Using the children against you, threatening
to take the children, threatening to leave, telling you no one else will want you, making
you fearful, threatening you physically, yelling, screaming, throwing things, destroying
things.
The Verbally Abusive
Relationship by Patricia Evans --Identifies different forms of verbal abuse and gives suggestions for
responding.
When Love Goes Wrong by Ann Jones
and Susan Schecter --
Basic information concerning abuse, how
to help, how to survive.
Invisible Chains A novel about domestic abuse. Information
about abuse in a novel form. Stands alone as a good read, suspenseful and engrossing, but also illustrates
various types of abuse.
Can be ordered at a reduced rate from
the author, on the front page of
this site. |
Dear At the Fence:
You may find issues that I am dealing with unbelievable but
everything I am saying is 100% true. Please help!
I am still in love with a man who got another girl pregnant
while I was pregnant with his child; who embarrasses me in front of my mother and our
friends by cursing me out if I do something he doesn't like. I am in love with a man who
has a different female almost every month. He broke up with me over a year ago and I am
still madly in love with him.
We both only have one child, we are both 24 years old. He is
there for me any time I need him. He treats our little girl GREAT! I try to do everything
to make him happy. He hasn't had sex with me since I found out I was pregnant and that was
over a year and a half ago. When I try, he pushes me away and says no. I do everything he
tells me to. I burn his CDs for him, I purchased a website for his rap group and I am in
the process of designing his website. When he needs extra cash I always give it to him. I
even tried withdrawing and not always being there for him all the time and he still won't
budge.
Why doesn't he want to be with me. Most importantly why am I
putting up with this? I am at the point now where I am willing to deal with him being with
other women if he just marries me.That could have a thing to do with my childhood. My dad
cheated on my mom all the time. My mom put up with it for years. I always said I would
never be like that and always tried to avoid being in this situation.But here it is: My
child's father is the same astrological sign as my father, and my sign is the same as my
mother.
Keep in mind I left every other man who gave me a hint that
he was a cheater and never looked back. Am I cursed? This man abuses me verbally and
emotionally. Why do I put up with it? Am I crazy? Am I the only women on the earth that
does this kinda stuff?
Please...any advice will be greatly appreciated.
Dear Any Advice:
No you're not crazy nor are you the only woman who puts up
with this stuff. You are not cursed. The really important question here is why do you let
yourself be treated like this? You want this relationship to work, you want this man to
change and to be the man of your dreams, you keep hoping you can find the magic right
thing to do that will make this happen.
Please accept that you are 'in love' with someone who can't
or won't ever love you the way you love him, or want him to love you. Whatever it is about
him that gets to you is not real. It is in your head. You are in love with a dream.
This type of attraction is difficult to understand, but it
probably has something to do with deep seated issues - a reminder of your dad, pheromones,
hormones or other 'invisible' triggers. You have to decide to ignore whatever strong pull
you feel to this man. He obviously doesn't feel the same way, and even if he did, his
treatment of you is unacceptable.
Love doesn't solve all problems. He will most likely continue
on the way he is going and why shouldn't he? You bend over backward to make him happy,
ignore his mistreatment of you and keep asking for more.
Get tough. Decide to harden your heart to him. Cut off all
unnecessary contact with him, and hold the necessary to a minimum. Start a journal and
record all the thoughts and memories you can of his mistreatment of you and read it every
day to keep you strong.
Best Wishes
© 2004 Nora Penia All Rights Reserved
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Disclaimer:
The contents of these pages represent my personal
opinions, which are offered for entertainment and educational purposes, only. I am not a
psychologist or therapist. My professional background has been as an educator dealing with
personal growth issues, parenting skills and relationship problems. My hope is that this
information will be helpful to you, but please, use common sense and thoughtful
consideration before acting on any of the information you find here. |
