Dear At the Fence:
I met this guy over 8 months ago now. At first he wanted a
relationship, but later on he said he did not want a relationship. We kept breaking up and
I kept giving him chances.
I became pregnant and he wanted me to get rid of it. I said
no, he got mad and said "If you wont get rid of it I will go back to back to my home
country and you will not see me anymore. I don't want you to have my kids. I don't want a
kid with no father."
What is he trying to tell me?
I got hurt, so I told him what he said was really mean. He
apologized and said it was because he was mad at me and if I want to be with him, I have
to act like an adult. He knows he is my first and he knows I got attached to him (Love
him). He said he cares about me alot and it is from his heart.
After that I got rid of the pregnancy.
When ever he calls me, we have sex, but we never go out in
the daytime to do anything. We always meet at night. He said he works alot. Whenever I
call him, he says he is busy, he is going out, he is with his buddies and then he hangs up
the phone.
It has been 2 weeks now and we do not talk, he does not call
me, nor answer my phone calls and my text messages. If I call him and my number shows he
won't pick up but if I call with private number he picks up. The last time I saw him, I
saw a female's jacket and I questioned him, he said 'It is for my sister.'" I said
'Your sister?' He got mad and said "Why are you like that'. Sometimes I ask him if he
doesn't want to see me and he gets mad that I asked him that question. He said 'You
should ask me how was work, how am I doing and all that but you ask me if I don't want to
see you.' He hung up the phone again and that was the last time we talked.
SHOULD I LET HIM GO? IS HE PLAYING WITH ME? WHAT IS GOING ON?
IS HE CHEATING ON ME? WHAT IS TRYING TO DO?
Should I let him go?
Dear Should:
There is nothing to let go of. He's gone. He never belonged
to you, never loved you, only wanted sex. How many ways does he have to say it?
How desperate are you for a relationship that you would
accept such abuse?
One mistake in this situation is that you thought having sex
meant you had a relationship. The two of you never had a relationship. Having sex is not a
relationship, at least not the kind you wanted. Sexual relationships may or may not
involved emotional relationships. This one was, for him at least, only physical/sexual. He
used you.
Look at the insulting things he says and does to you:
He didn't want you to have his kids. (Why would he have sex
with someone he didn't want to have kids with? Doesn't he know how kids are created?)
And this is interesting - he said he didn't want a kid with
no father. A clear message that he has no intention of being a father to any child he
helps create.
He said he cares about you a lot. (How does he show it?)
He won't go out with you, but will have sex with you.
He won't answer any questions about himself.
He hangs up on you and always has a reason not to talk to
you.
He is clearly through with you and I hope you are through
with him. I strongly suggest holding off on the sex until it is clear that there is
something worthwhile and lasting to a relationship and that takes a while, months maybe.
Best Wishes
© 2004 Nora Penia All Rights Reserved
