Dear At the Fence:

Two years ago, my husband and I got a divorce. We have two children together, a son, 15 and a daughter, 16. Since the divorce we have decided to try again and reconcile. The problem we are having is with the 16 year old daughter. She is angry all the time and is distant to her dad. We need to know how to rebuild the relationship between them? I want to add he walked out on us 4 years ago and moved in with someone else and my daughter felt abandoned by her dad. But now he is back and wants to help her heal. How do we accomplish that?

Trying to rebuild

Dear Trying to rebuild:

Your daughter has every right to feel abandoned and hurt. These feelings won't just go away because the two of you got back together. Your husband probably spent a lot of time winning you back. How much time did he spend trying to win his daughter back?

When your husband left, he didn't just walk out on a marriage, he walked out on the family. A girl's relationship with her dad is crucial in her developing years, especially the teen years. He has wounded her deeply and this will take time to heal. It's not enough that he's back. Just being back doesn't undo what he did and people can't just 'get over' these kinds of wounds.

I'd suggest family counseling to address these issues. Not just the difficulties you're having with your daughter, those are just symptoms, but the whole family relationship.

Best Wishes

 

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