Dear At the Fence:
There is a girl (16) in my physics class who I like very
much. I happen to know her well as she sits next to me at my table and is also in my
Spanish class. She recently joined a group in which we are building bridges made out
of toothpicks.
I would like to ask her out but there is one constricting
factor involved: I am an Indian person and she is a white person. I have heard that
inter-racial relationships occur often but is this valid enough?
My parents don't really believe in dating at my age (15). And
if I were to ask her out, I'm afraid many people among the Indian community would taunt me
or treat me as a rebel to their religious ways.
So my question is...should I ask her out or not? Is my social
life more important than a crush? Would her Christian family look on me with scorn if she
started dating a Hindu boy?
Wondering
Dear Wondering:
There are several issues here: your ideas about your
culture's beliefs, your parents ideas about dating, her family's ideas about
mixed-cultural dating and her feelings about all this.
You are 15 and over the next few years will have a lot of
decisions to make. Right now, you owe it to your parents to treat their beliefs and wishes
with respect. Eventually you will be able to decide for yourself whether you will make
their beliefs and traditions your own, but for now, you should abide by their wishes. This
does not mean you can not try to discuss these things with them and try respectfully to
negotiate with them. But, when all is said and done, they are your parents.
There is little you can do about her family's reactions, but
right now you don't know how they will react. Christians have many different positions on
this type of issue. They may have no objection, or they may forbid it. Again, she is
underage and should follow her parents' rules.
How does this young woman feel about dating you? What kind of
talks have you had? Maybe you could test the waters by asking her to eat lunch with you.
If she will, then the two of you can get to know each other a little, and lead up to
discussing the possibility of dating. She can probably let you know how her parents might
react, and of course, if she doesn't want to have lunch with you, she probably wouldn't
want to date you, either. It's a safe way to find out where you stand.
Couples should consider many things when dating, falling in
love and marrying. Culture and religious differences are examples, but there are many
other issues, also. Parenting beliefs, financial habits, life goals, lifestyle desires,
communication and many more. Dating is a time when these ideas can be discussed and
explored.
If you were planning to marry a Christian, or anyone with a
different belief system than you, both of you would need to examine your beliefs and the
effect they would have on your relationship and possible problems relating to becoming
parents.
Blessings
© 2004 Nora Penia All Rights Reserved
