I've been married to my husband for nearly two years and it's
been rough but I thought everything was going to be fine. Financially we struggle
like most newlyweds but I thought that was the extent of our problems.
Recently things changed terribly. On Halloween my husband and I went to a few
parties then to the large street party that is an annual event in the town where we live.
I was dressed in a costume that was more revealing than most things I wear but not
too outrageous (especially considering some costumes of both girls and guys there).
My feet began to hurt and I had been drinking, as had he, and I sat down on the porch
steps of a house. I had been teasing him about his flirting with girls, like I
sometimes do, and he suddenly exploded.
He picked me up like I was some kind of doll and hoisted me over his shoulder. I
repeatedly told him to put me down and tried to be calm but he shouted at me to shut up
and he refused. Finally my legs hurt so bad from the way he was holding me I began
yelling at him to put me down. He did but he would not let me go and was hurting my
arm as well as refusing to give me back my car keys. (He had been drinking as well
while I was sobering up)
I said to let me go and I went to knee him in the groin but I
didn't. He grabbed me and started to shake me viciously, in the middle of the
street, leaving bruises on my arms and saying he hated me, calling me a bi** and a whore
over and over. (I have never slept with any man but him nor given him any reason to
cheat, he on the other hand flirts with most other girls and becomes angry when I bring it
up.) A complete stranger had to break it up, and I'm thankful for that or else I
don't know what would have happened.
I'm frightened now. He's never done anything like this and he
keeps saying he's not violent, acting nonchalant about the whole thing, but I'm afraid.
He's much bigger than I and he said I insulted him when I didn't, also saying that
he should have "beat the s*** out of me".
I told myself I would never put up with this from any man and
his behavior, as well as his attitude about it is atrocious, but I still love him and my
heart is breaking. What can I do? Should I go? Should I get help?
Thank You
Shocked
Dear Shocked:
In most states he could have been arrested for his behavior.
He was drunk, granted, but his reaction to your teasing was way out of line.
(Being drunk is no excuse for being abusive.) The fact that he is brushing it off is not
encouraging as well as his statements about what he should have done to you.
Take a look at his other behavior and see if he does other
things that are indications of an abusive personality. Read this article about abusive
personalities.
At the very least, you should talk to someone about how this
affected you and I suggest that the two of you seek counseling, but if necessary, go
alone. You may want to talk to an abuse counselor or read some of these books. (See below)
This could be the start of something that will get worse, so
you are wise to take notice.
Best Wishes
