I am engaged to get married, which takes place in a month. I
have spent a lot of money on this wedding (as everyone does) and I am now getting
concerned that its not the right thing to do.
I have been with my fiancé for 4 years and things are
starting to get really bad. At the beginning of the relationship everything was great,
Until he started hitting me. I have literally had to jump out of a
window to get away from him, because he will not let me leave, call anyone for help
or anything if we are fighting. We separated and got back together, by promising we'd go
to counseling. We did, until the counselor didn't side with my fiancé.
After that things were fine. Until the past couple of months,
he has become very violent (due to drugs and alcohol) He
blames me for everything, I can't get him to do anything with the wedding (including
getting a tux) He puts me down, controls every aspect of my life, I have to ask permission
to hang out with my friends, go shopping or anything. I'm not
allowed to work, and I haven't for over a year. I hate it because he says I'm a
gold digger, when I only ask for money to spend on the house i.e. groceries.
I have argued about getting a job and finally he agreed, but
when it comes time to leaving he won't let me go. And yells and says I get everything I
want because I got a job. If I don't go to bed when he wants me to,
he hits me. If I put my arms up to protect myself and
accidentally hit him, he'll hit me more and harder and use that as an excuse, that
I hit him. He is very big and I am petite, if I cry he calls me a baby and thinks that
what he does doesn't hurt me. Just now as I'm writing this he is yelling, "Are you
e-mailing your boyfriend"
I have never been unfaithful which he has before. I don't
have any urge to have sex anymore, because I hate him so much for what he does to me.I
feel like I can't call off the wedding because everyone has spent so much money on gifts
and dresses and things, I don't know what to do. If I leave I have nothing, nowhere to
live or go, no money, no car (I sold mine to by a ring for him) He won't even let me take
my clothes because "he bought them".
I have gone to the police before and they won't do anything.
I can't hide the bruises anymore and I am afraid and depressed,
I'm not the happy go lucky person I once was, but I feel stuck in this because we have
done so much for the wedding. All the bills are in my name, and if I leave I owe him for
the money he spent on the wedding. Even the money my parents paid, because he says that
they didn't, plus I have to pay all the bills.
I'm stuck in a bad situation, I either stay and be supported
with a roof over my head and fear being abused or I leave with nothing but debt and
angry family members and friends for the money they wasted.
Please Help!!
Dear Please Help:
If you were in a burning house, would you stop to worry
about where you would sleep that night, or how you would replace the house, or what people
would think? You would run for your life. You are in a burning house.
Contact your local shelter (call 1-800-799-7233 for the
number of a shelter near you), they can help with the legal stuff and the police. Ask your
family for help, ask your friends for help. The bills will sort themselves out, it's only
money, we're talking about your life and living with worsening abuse for
years, not to mention what might happen if you have children with him.
You can begin again. You can
find a way to support yourself. Many women have faced the same problem and survived; it's
better than being abused or possibly killed.
Please get out now!
